• Learn to recognize if you and your partner play a “victim/perpetrator” game
• Ask yourself if you consider affair an “unforgivable sin”
• Learn to avoid labeling the person who committed an affair as a “cause” of the affair
• Discover what is lacking in your relationship
• Explore feelings of shame associated with an affair
• Increase empathy and learn to listen and express yourself without defensiveness
• Create a safe space where you and your partner can share openly
• Learn to accept your partner and yourself in the process of recovering from an affair
• Reconnect with your partner on a more intimate level

“People don’t have affairs because they are bad people. They have them for many reasons. Sometimes people have affairs because they feel that something is lacking in their current relationship. They may still love and want to be with their partner (or they may not), but whatever is missing is something they feel they can’t live without. Most people have affairs to make up for a lack of emotional or sexual connection. It may be that they don’t feel accepted or desired by their partner, or they may desire sex that is different from the kind they can have in their relationship. Maybe the sex they are having in their relationship does not touch upon their core erotic theme, or there is little or no sex at all in the relationship. Some people simply have a strong desire for novelty and excitement despite a great sex life and connection with their partner; an affair can be a way to fight boredom and the frustrations that can arise when you are with one person for a long time.”

“Making Love Real” by Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman

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